Everyone is saying good-bye and good riddance to 2017. Everyone is looking forward to a great 2018. And by everyone, I mean my Facebook friends, acquaintances and basically a lot of people I don’t know, yet see their posts on my news-feed.
As I counted down with Ryan Seacrest on New Year’s Eve, I found myself tearing up as the numbers went from 10 to 1. When it became New Year’s Day, I found myself crying. I wasn’t happy for a new year. I wasn’t looking forward to what this new year would bring. I was overwhelmingly sad.
The tears stung my eyes, and ran down along the crisp white pillow that I’d snuggled up to, curled up like a baby. The kids were all fast asleep, from too much night swimming at the hotel pool. My last surprise of 2017 for the kids; a little trip to a hotel with dinner and an indoor heated pool and jacuzzi, with sparkling cider and silly string back at the room. Yet after they fell asleep, I found myself looking at them, so peaceful, while I lay there, sobbing silently hoping they wouldn’t hear me.
What is this sadness? I’m not a sad person. I’m not someone who cries. And yet I couldn’t stop the tears from coming.
Today, in the crisp light of day, and after a few days of contemplation, I think I now know.
The past two months has been filled with family, friends and food. My three favorite things. I’ve baked cookies, stuffed birds, glazed hams and decorated for Thanksgiving & Christmas. I’ve sent out Christmas cards, wrapped presents with glee, prepared the house for friends near and far, and now it’s over.
And it’s cold. Bitterly cold. The snow was fun for Christmas. It was beautiful to watch from the pew at church on Christmas morning. But now, its just a nuisance. The house has now been brought back to it’s former glory and the decorations have been put away until next year. But it doesn’t look clean. It looks barren. It feels somehow colder. I feel somehow more alone.
The kids are back at school. My folks are heading to Florida for 4 months. And everyone is back at their routine. And I’m here. Missing it all, already.
I’m not ready for 2018. I loved 2017. Over the past year I reconnected with friends. I’ve moved into a new home for my boutique and it’s been the best year since opening 5 years ago.
I lost 15 lbs. FIFTEEN! That’s something, right? I’ve started a successful blog, had it published, and it’s been read in over 26 countries.
I paid off my debt. Started to really save. I became more spiritual and centered in my faith.
It’s been a good year.
I’m not ready to see what 2018 has in store.
But time doesn’t stop, does it? Whether I want it to or not, 2018 is here. Second by second, minute by minute, it’s happening. Right now. This very second.
So I will choose to embrace it. I will give it a chance. I will not dwell on this past year, but be thankful for the moments, the memories and the magic that was 2017.
Come on 2018 – don’t let me down.